it's not like we hadnt met yet. messy hair, messy bed. i guess i knew it all along. feelings named and then scratched out. words still there, still clearly legible. trying to keep my thoughts to myself - no i wont say that. drinking makes it harder, and i slip up. i dont know why this time it's stuck with me. oh i wish i could feel less or i wish that they could see this mess in my head cant only be put there by me. some distance cant be solved by proximity. i want to go back there but i know it's hard on me.
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